


A Human Romance Story by Callie Ohpeee

by t34lbloods (perculious)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Body Horror, Cherub Sex, Gen, M/M, i literally have no idea how to warn for the content of this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-30
Updated: 2013-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-25 03:18:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/948007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perculious/pseuds/t34lbloods
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on this: "I like to think sometimes Calliope is extra angry at Caliborn so she writes really graphic Dirk/Jake porn and captchalogues it. What if she researched human sex beforehand to make it as infuriating for Caliborn as she can. But she gets it wrong. So wrong."</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Human Romance Story by Callie Ohpeee

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on tumblr here: http://t34lbloods.tumblr.com/post/45052239363/a-human-romance-story-by-callie-ohpeee

_aUthor’s note: my dear brother, i hope yoU had a refreshing nap! ^u^ thank yoU so mUch for the graphic description yoU captchalogUed for my benefit of exactly in what ways yoU woUld like to kill my friends. it was so appreciated, love. here is a small peace offering in retUrn. i know yoU like hUman romance, so i’ve written yoU a nice story aboUt it! enjoy!_

The Jake human pulled the Dirk human close, raising a hand to gently caress his cheek in a loving manner. _(a/n: getting good, hUh? ^u^)_ As they stared into each other’s eyes, they knew that it was time. It was time to have human sex. They had researched it to total accuracy, and they knew exactly how human sex worked. It was very different from cherub sex, but they were confident that they knew what to do.

“I’m starting to feel horny,” Jake said, his bright green shorts rubbing up against Dirk’s vivid orange pants. “My human cock is getting an erection.”

“Mine too,” Dirk breathed huskily. He could feel his cock stirring in his pants, as it frequently did when he was having a sexual experience. What was happening here was an ancient instinct, old as humanity itself.

“Should we take off our clothes?” Dirk said. Jake nodded, suddenly shy.

Because they did not have caliginous feelings for each other, they looked upon each other admiringly and tenderly as they stripped down to nothing. Jake was starting to get a little nervous, but his body was responding in the way typical to humans immediately prior to sex. He could feel his body changing, his groin tingling as his cock awoke to the situation.

“I think I’m ready,” Dirk said.

“Me too,” Jake said.

Suddenly, Dirk’s cock began to lengthen, undergoing the transformation typical to human phalluses. He wrapped Jake in its length, coiling it around and around the other boy’s nubile frame.

“Golly!” Jake said. Although his body hadn’t quite been ready before, this set him off, and he, too, began to assume the human mating form. His phallus also grew in length, and twined around Dirk’s, so that Jake was standing in a warm column of their interwoven cocks. He had achieved human erection.

“This is amazing sex,” Dirk said. Jake nodded, the movement of his chin rubbing against the wall of dicks and stimulating both of them.

They continued to rub their cocks against each other, both extremely hard, which is a human word indicating penile readiness for sex. Finally, after a lot of rubbing and gasping, it was time for orgasm. Jake climaxed first, flashes of eternal universe-warping power shooting out of just the end of his cock, as happens in a human orgasm. Since Jake had climaxed first, it was left to Dirk to inseminate him. With great strength and with the help of Jake’s increased stimulation, he managed to lengthen his cock even further, reaching it towards Jake’s nearest orifice, which was his mouth. Dirk climaxed right inside Jake’s mouth, fertilizing him with their young.

As their phalluses shrank back to the standard length, Dirk and Jake participated in the human ritual of afterglow. Rather than hurting each other, they held each other close as they recovered from the sexual intensity.

“Which of us is going to build the nest?” Dirk joked. Jake laughed. They both knew they would do it, as with all things, together.


End file.
